Hi, I have something to tell you. There’s something, that’s been bothering me, how unusual, it’s about procrastination. I have to admit; I have left a lot of things to do until last minute. I hate myself for that, why am I like this? It gives me so much anxiety, I stop enjoying life, I get stressed out and can’t do things right. Lately I’ve been procrastinating, leaving tasks I should be working on, I should study, and I should be sending my college applications. One of my dreams is to study abroad, and currently got accepted in a program for a scholarship which will help me to study and prepare myself to achieve a high score in the SAT test, the one that most colleges request for prospectus students and I’m so excited for the opportunity to begin this journey. At the same time, I’m so FUCKING scared! I don’t know… I haven’t even begun, and I feel like I’ve already failed. It’s very scary failure. I hate failure, sometimes I would rather not do it instead of making a fool of myself, and that’s just wrong! I regret not doing so many things because I was so scared of trying and I’m 18 years old! The fear of failing is setting me apart from making my dreams come true and I won’t allow myself to feel scared. Fear is stupid.
One thing is certain for me. I won’t settle for less than what this world can offer me. I have ambition and no matter how hard it gets; I know it won’t always be like that but if I can’t get over this task how am I supposed to overcome the ones to come. How crazy are my dreams? I know people have made fun of them, they may have doubted of my abilities, but I don’t care. Last year Nike made a commercial based on dreams in which Colin Kaepernick starred and it grabbed my heart and squeezed the living hell out of it, I burst into tears, thinking, how crazy are my dreams? How far am I willing to go to fight for my dreams? Do I believe enough on me to sacrifice everything? I know I do.
It’s not going to be easy and for sure it’s going to be a long ride. I wish everything I set my mind to do went as I wanted. I’m currently struggling with so many things in my life. I have a HUGE debt, I’m failing in college, and I keep repeating to myself that everything is going to be alright, everything is going to be just fine, even when it doesn’t feel like it. I don’t want to be a college dropout, I won’t be a college dropout, that’s for losers. But I so bad want to quit college. There’s nothing wrong with leaving college, its not for everyone. I remind myself that it’s just a stage. Life will not always be like this, I still have my friends and family. I have a great job, I’m constantly surrounded with people that love me, for who am I and remind me that life is worth living. How crazy my dreams are? They are so crazy, who can even think that a Guatemalan, man, will ever be Editor in chief of American Vogue, no one ever in their wildest dreams! But I do and just like the meme from Lady Gaga there can be a hundred people in a room and ninety-nine don’t believe in you, but it only requires one to believe in you. I hold to the thought that better times are coming, better opportunities are coming, I believe in a better life.
The world can tell me I won’t make it, but I don’t care. There’s not enough tape to shut my mouth, I’m willing to try and fail, I’m willing to try and fall, over and over again, as many times as necessary until I succeed. One day I want to look back and swear I lived. Last time I wrote about time, and the value of it. I want to invest all the time that I have into making of this world a better place, fight for my dreams and beliefs, inspire people and be part of history.