Goodbye, A.

Recently I went through a break up, not the kind of romantic break ups. I had to leave a toxic friendship. I’m not going to go through a lot of details or what happened, who did what and who’s fault was. I’m not the kind of person who puts the blame on others, I take full responsibility of my decisions and mistakes. Hope you’ll learn something from my story.

Friendship is something I cherish and value the most. For most of my life, I got the chance to meet a lot of people, from different backgrounds and beliefs. I’ve learned how to trust and who to trust. My close friends are just a few, I don’t open often with people and I don’t bond very easily. It takes a lot of time for me to really trust someone, bond with that person and consider them a true friend.

I’ve learned the value of a friendship and what it takes to keep it. There’s to be an effort from both parties to make it work. Often, I found myself fighting or looking for someone, trying to always keep in touch with them, talk and show them that I still care. It took me almost seven years to realize I was holding tight to a toxic friendship. A friend I thought was going to be there for me, through the good and bad. It turns out they we’re not going to be there all the time. I’m trying to not use any pronoun that might reveal their identity, he or she, it doesn’t matter. They’re no longer part of my life, and I’m no longer part of theirs.

It really hurt me; I felt a void in my heart like I couldn’t breathe. I came back home that day, crying and sobbing to my mom’s lap, she was worried and asked what happened. I told her to whole story and didn’t want to tell her. Once you told your mom about a fight with a friend, that friend is completely dead and on your mom’s blacklist. Forget to even mention their name again or invite them to your house. When I told her, I knew in that moment, and there’s no turning back. I often found myself thinking about you and what’s of your life. We shared a lot of good moments, a lot of laughs. I heard you cry through the phone each time they broke your heart you came to me and told me everything. I miss you but now is my turn.

I need to put myself first, think about what’s good to me. Learn to value myself just enough so that others like you don’t take advantage of me. Maybe you’ll read this, maybe you won’t. Enough of wasting tears. I’m grateful for the people around me that cherish me and love me. Recently I heard a song, and it touched my heart but, in the lyrics, they said, “I promise that you’ll never find another like me. I’m the only one of me.” I love my family; I love the friends that have showed me all their support and love for me. I celebrate their lives and celebrate our friendship.

Therefore, I appreciate the time you were in my life and all the lessons you taught me. I don’t hate you; I feel sorry for you and hope one day you’ll find that love you’re desperately looking for. In the meantime, I’ll keep working on my dreams building a better future for me surrounded by my loved ones. What I take from this experience is to not take anyone for granted and not let anyone take me for granted. Have a good life.

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