The past week has been great. I’ve learned a lot for the past few days, and it’s been an eye opening experience. So, moving on from last week’s mental break down I was able to find myself, get my thoughts together and find some peace. I surrounded myself with people that love and care about me. They’ve taught me, prompted me lessons I thought already knew. In my journey to self-acceptance, embracing my insecurities, trying to be vulnerable and open myself up I experienced a rugged path. I beat myself up, lots of thoughts that weren’t so good for me, anxiety really got me last week.
I was reflecting on what it really means to be single. Nowadays people my age find themselves in a lust for life. Social media and society places many pressure on the youth of this century to look for approval. People are constantly sharing pics with their partners, showing how much they love each other just to delete all the pictures that have been posted a week later. There’s no explanation, and they put up an act, as if nothing ever happened moving on to the next person who’ll give them what they’re desperately longing for… acceptance. If I’m honest, I have to say I’m a very needy person, in a way that I constantly seek attention from the people that I really care about. There’s a constant need for me to hear from them how good, cute or handsome I look today. Kind of toxic, maybe? I try working on that, not like I’m a narcissistic person I try to do my best to show confidence even though I’m on a daily basis thinking about what other’s think of me.
Tiring, toxic and depressing. So I decided from now on I won’t care. Not anymore. I’ll focus on building a genuine confidence on myself. I repeatedly fall for the wrong person. They either way are uninterested, boring, very horny or straight. Funny I know, what it really means to be single? Is it a choice? I think it is a choice, and I decide to stay single. A teacher taught me a valuable lesson; I’m too much to be with someone who’s too less and truth is not any person is worthy or deserving to be at my side. Being single used to mean nobody wanted you. Now it means you’re pretty, sexy, and you’re taking your time deciding how you want your life to be and who you want to spend it with.
I want to feel comfortable in my own skin and never forget to fall in love with myself first. That will always be the most challenging and significant relationship, the one I have with myself and I love you but, I love me more. Of all the lessons I’ve learned this week and that I’ve mentioned here, I’ve to add one more: people come into your life and go. But it’s comforting to know the ones you love are always in your heart. It’s hard to find people who will love you no matter what. I’m lucky enough to have found five of them.