Change

My love was as cruel as the cities I lived in. Everyone looked worse in the light. There are so many lines that I’ve crossed unforgiven. I’ll tell you the truth but never goodbye. Just like everyone else I’ve made mistakes, I’ve learned, I’ve grown and I’ve lived. In addition to all of that I’ve changed. Change is the only constant in my life; It’s painful, growth and change are painful but nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don’t belong. Truth is you live a better life when tiny changes occur.

Looking back a year ago it’s been a long journey but very satisfying. I’ve meet marvelous people, made new friends and learned life lessons. I wounded the good and trusted the wicked. I’m trying to be more careful, smarter, stronger and better. It’s been a year and three months since I came out to my mom. Life changed at that specific moment in time. It wasn’t a secret anymore, and it wasn’t something I should feel ashamed about. I took my life back, started living being my true self. Since that, not a day has passed where I had to pretend to be someone else, not anymore. Looking back, I realize anything could happen.

I know everything’s going to be alright. I know it might not be perfect, and life’s not supposed to be perfect. Life can change in a blink of an eye, just like that. Energy and matter are always changing, morphing, merging, growing, dying. A natural process all humans go through. It’s the way people try so hard not to change that’s unnatural. The way we cling to what things were instead of letting things be what they are. The way we cling to old memories instead of forming new ones. The way we insist on believing despite every scientific indication that anything in this lifetime is permanent. Change is constant. How we experience change well, that’s up to us. It can feel like death or it can feel like a second chance at life. If we open our fingers, loosen our grips, go with it, it can feel like pure adrenaline. Like at any moment we can have another chance at life. Like at any moment, we can be born all over again.

We may not like it. We fear it, but we can’t stop it from coming. We either adapt to change or we get left behind. Sometimes change is good, sometimes change is everything. Just when you think you’ve learned the way to live, life changes.

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