I was never the kind of person that liked giving hugs. Even less the one to ask for one. I’m tough outside but scared inside. I won’t let anybody see me cry. I’m ready for combat. Even though I said I don’t want that… What if I do? I take a deep breath in the mirror, then hate my reflection. For years and years. Thinking of how all my enemies started out friends. Leaving me broken. Thought I was the archer turns out I’m the prey. I scream.“Who could ever leave me darling?” But who could stay?
At that moment you have come in my life out of nowhere; something happened I overheard you laughing. Thought how come someone like you could had such beautiful smile. You’re so tall and handsome as hell; you’re so bad but you do it so well. I said to myself I won’t fall. Because I know love does not exist. I tried to keep a comfortable distance, before you, and I swore that I was content with loneliness. You came into my life and shattered the long silence. We’re in a comfortable place, but I got scared. I’m afraid of letting you get close enough to notice the cracks in my flawed heart. Terrified you’ll see the things I hate about myself, mortified at the thought of you walking away. Therefore, I leave before you do. Tighten myself to reality, before you run away from me with some kind of proof that this it’s not a dream.
I regret opening up to some people; they didn’t deserve knowing me like that. I regret my decision. Try making things right. So this is me swallowing my pride. Standing in front of you saying, “I’m sorry.” There you are standing, looking at me in a way no one had ever looked at me. My hands were shaking as I explained my complicated past. You need to understand; I will not always be easy to hold onto, for my heart is scattered with thorns. You need to understand; I will not always be easy to hold onto, for my heart is scattered with thorns. There’ll be days when I’ll forget what you see in me and lose my balance. I’ll trip over my own feet and apologize for the mess I caused. On those days the one thing that will drag me out of my own labyrinth is that look. No one has ever looked at me quite like that.
The scariest part is letting my heart give in. Love is a ghost you can’t control, but the truth can’t hurt us now. You said those three words and eight letters. I know I experience it too, after a few days I tell you for whatever it’s worth, “I love you, ain’t that the worst thing you’ve ever heard?” But it doesn’t feel like that and I know I wouldn’t trade a day for the chance to say, “My love, I’m in love with you.” How rude of you, to ruin my miserable and tell me I’m beautiful. I wasn’t looking for love, but you pushed me. So all that I’m asking is you handle me with caution, cause I don’t give myself often. I guess I’ll try today, cause I’ve had my heart broken before and I promised I would never let me hurt anymore. But I tore down my walls, opened my doors and made room for one, so baby I’m yours. You are the only exception and even though it’s difficult, I’m on my way to believing.