I am here

I concluded my previous post on a melancholy note. I’ve been dealing with much stuff, personally, professionally, spiritually and emotionally. I’m tired all the time and honestly I don’t know how I’ve been able to keep up this far. But hey! I am here. Even when I felt like the whole world was against me, my friends were standing just by my side cheering me up, holding me on for life.

I opened up my heart, to the wrong people, but I’ve learned. I distanced myself from people who truly loved me and cared about me. I’m sorry for that! I trusted the wicked. That’s a line from an old post and oh lord how things have turned. They can love me or not I don’t care about them anymore. There’s no such thing as sin, let it all come right in. I made some mistakes, and I want to keep learning, might do some more. I slept in the mud with the fake pigs. Now I want to swim in the flood, I want to fuck till I’m done. I like red wine, the sun in my eyes, the wind in my hair. I want to be lost, so lost that I’m found drunk and high.

My heart is racing, and that’s when I know that I am here! All of this wrong, but I’m still right here. I may not have the answers to life or how to live this one but the questions are clear. I can think of one thousand places much worse than this but after everything I’m still standing, I’m still breathing. I’ve already seen the bottom, so there’s nothing to fear. I know that I’ll be ready when the devil is near.

I want to be a great one. I want to make a million dollars. Make all my days count, clown with my friends, sing with mom, play with my brother and dance with dad. I want to make a billion dollars. Deliver it to my gramps, say: “Daddy this is what you prayed for.” Off and on I run out of patience trying to become a great one. When my days completed, I hope I die with no regrets. Want to take me way up; I hope I fly faded. What is life? What is love? What is time? What is choice? What is everything? Everything is nothing without love. I hope I am enough; I’m up to the challenge. I am bold. Now allow me to ask you… where does everybody go when they go?

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