Ready

What is it that boys are so damn stupid? Seriously fucking dumb all of them. So tired of them and their bullshit. I’m tired of dating boys, I’m done dating boys it never ends well. If I have to be specific I got to say that boys don’t know what they want in life. I need a genuine man that recognizes what he wants. Trying to be general and not point any fingers but guess I’ll be specific in one situation. Before I move on to that point just want to say it’s okay if you don’t know what you want. I mean life is about that, learning and growing, getting to know what you want. One thing I’ll demand and that is, if you’re not ready for a serious relationship be honest about it and make it fucking clear; from the very beginning. We’re adults let’s start acting like one and stop playing around.

This extremely exceptional individual got the nerve to come in to my life and make a mess out of me. Since the beginning it was all special, rose colored glasses and beautiful. It seemed good, it felt excellent and to me it was special. I used to think one day we’d tell the story of us, how we met and sparks flew instantly. People would say,“they’re the lucky ones” that you were my lucky one. Why’d you make it feel like it was special? All those texts, words and hollow promises. You made me believe we had something special. After almost two months I wasn’t able to find a closure to this chapter, and I look out for you. Told you that I was mad at you because you left without any explanation and I couldn’t explain to myself what happened? We meet on a Wednesday night at the park, near the church we sat and talked about everything that happened. I was relieved that it didn’t have anything to do with me. I thought carefully enough and decided to give you a second chance because everyone deserves a second chance but you fucked it up.

Now I think it’s safe to say that you will always change. New colors every day, you are a hurricane. The look on your face, all the things you say sending me outer-space. Testing my patience, why do I care so much about you? You know I do but it feels like you don’t care. I harbour a million thoughts but only half get through to you. You started a fire on me just to see what I would do but then you freeze up like winter season in January. I wanted so much to climb into your mind, turn on all the lights, read all your secrets, see if you wonder about mine. But we’re just kids trying to understand you and the world, now you’re just a boy who’s scared of a good boy. So don’t you just force me out now. You persuaded me into this mess, who’s going to get me out? Why are you pulling me down, if you got things to figure out? Oh, I realize you’re not ready for me. Go steady your heavy heart, until you’re free, until you’re ready for me.

Know for a fact that I won’t be waiting for you, to come around. I won’t be waiting for you, but I’ll be nearby. I know you’re going to somewhere to make a better life. I hope you find it on the first try and even though it hurts me, I know I’ll be okay. Keep in mind that there’s nothing wrong with being honest and upfront with someone. You tried not hurting me by not telling me how you felt and you caused more damage because of that. You’re not ready to take the risk, to love. You’re not ready for a serious relationship. You’re not ready to engage in a serious conversation about your feelings and be honest. You’re not ready for me, so farewell somebody is going to miss you but that won’t be me. I’ll move on like I always do to the next chapter.

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