It’s nice to have a friend

He just texted me. I got nervous, I pre-read his message under the notifications bar “I don’t think I’m prepared for something serious with someone, yet” I freak out and I don’t know what to do. Why did he say that? Just two days ago we were in my room watching Netflix; we spent time together talking about our hopes and dreams; he kissed me and I kissed back. Did I do something wrong? Did I make a mistake? Wasn’t I good enough for him? Why do I suddenly feel like my vision is blurry, my head aches and it feels like I’ve been stabbed in my heart. It’s death by a thousand cuts and I can’t stop these tears from falling down. How could this happen again? Did I read the stars so wrong, was I a fool to expect that this time it would have been different? I felt like I know him though I know his heart and know what he wouldn’t do to hurt me but I didn’t realize that… feeling so confident, feeling so great about myself and then it just be completely shattered by one thing. By something so stupid, he made me feel crazy, and I was in pain.

I laid in bed the whole weekend, crying over someone that didn’t appreciated me. What a fool, he wasn’t ready and I would’ve jumped from a cliff for him. The weekend it’s over, and I have to dress up, go into the real world, put on a fake smile. Ultimately it’s just another day. I walked to where I’m supposed to be ignoring all people around me, sit and focus on what’s important right now. She saw me and knew that something was off. Asked me what happened and I pretend because that’s what I’m good at, pretending. Although I tried my best, she knew I wasn’t doing okay; she knew that he hurt me. She gave me a hug and didn’t let go of me, I couldn’t resist anymore and burst into tears. How could she know me so well?

It’s February 13, one day before Valentine’s Day we’ve been planning to meet for so long. I’m so excited finally I’m not going to spend this year’s Valentines alone. I was too quick to think it’ll have been different this time. After a few minutes I receive a message “Hey bae, so I won’t be able to make it tomorrow, had some business issues and got to take care of it we will reschedule” FUCK. It’s okay at least he texted me, it’s okay… it’s okay. A few minutes passed, and I receive a call from her, I pick up the phone to answer:

“Hey handsome, hope you’re doing fine I just called to say I love you and wanted to propose you if you might have some time to come after work?”
“Sure, yeah, I’m fine, hmmm… yeah, I can totally come.”
“Awesome I got a surprise for you, okay I’ll wait for you let me know when you get here”

I wasn’t in the mood, but I would travel to the other side of the world for her. When I got there, she was waiting for me outside with her hands behind her back. When I approached her, she gave me a tulips bouquet, my favorite flowers; a bag of only green skittles and I mean only green skittles the ones that are sour, my favorites. A drawing of my favorite scene, from my favorite movie when Mr Darcy finally kisses Elizabeth “Pride and Prejudice.” How could she comprehend me so well?

I look back, and they have always been there for me, my friends. When I’m not strong enough, when I’ve got a problem they’ll understand and help me get through it. They have been there for me like a marriage to endure and to hold me from the day we meet and forward; for better or worse; for richer or poorer; in sickness and in health; to love and to cherish. They were there when my parents separated, they were there when I came out and displayed nothing but support for me. They’ve been there for me, sharing my load supporting and bearing it. I know I can count on them, and they can count on me. I’ll be there for every firework, every birthday party, every hospital visit, every funeral, every wedding (hoping it’ll only be one), every baby shower, every graduation, etc. They’ll be there and I’ll be there.

For every time I think of them I will know it’s nice to have someone that watches your back. Someone that uplifts you, that encourages you to be the best version of yourself and wants to see you grow as a person. Someone that will not allow you to accept less than what you deserve and that will love you no matter what, teach you, inspire and grow with you. Someone that will support you drag the corpse across the living room when you’ve murder someone (Hoping that won’t happen but you know they will help you.) You will know because the ties that bind us are sometimes impossible to explain. Some bonds defy distance, time and logic; because some ties are solely meant to be. You will realize it’s nice to have a friend.

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