I miss the time when I used to go out with my friends and spend time anywhere else outside my house. It felt good but, this time has helped me to connect with myself and heal all open wounds. It taught me to focus on my personal growth, despite the circumstances I still have a job and a source of income. For the most part isolation from the outside world helped me rekindle with my creative side. I am trying to be positive and grateful for all the good things in my life. I’ve been able to spend more time with my family which is one of the best parts because my bonds with my brothers are getting stronger. I’ve also been doing some research on future projects; I have been planning a few things and am excited for what’s to come.
Having this, much time helped me in deciding what I want for my life. It felt like a pause from this wild ride and all past mistakes, decisions I made brought me to this moment. I had the wrong idea about love and what it really meant. Willing to accept whatever I was offered just to have a taste of what I was so desperately longing for. On that despair I found that love is not meant to feel like this. Wanting someone so bad was not healthy and it wasn’t the right call. I was so mad at myself, and I know I was being obsessive; I was hopeful that this time it would have been different. And sometimes hope can be dangerous but what is more frightening is the decisions I made for thinking that I was “in love.” I know now that love is knowing that you’re not perfect, own your mistakes, accepting your flaws, believing that you’re rare and special.
I have been learning a lot about self-love and treating myself the way I deserve to be treated. All of this by taking care of my body, exercising; taking care of my mind, reading more. It came to my mind that it’s good to be a little selfish sometimes and put yourself first. Sometimes we forget about ourselves because we love and invest so much on others. This week I thought “Hell yeah and just got paid, and it’s time for me.” I waited until I stake my claim, forget that I was ever his whipping boy. Promised that tonight I might just lose my way and that I will never get down hearted. Cheers for this is for all the nights I cried for him, having friends telling me it’s not worth my tears. Good friends that keep enemies at bay. Trusting the process is everything, and sometimes the most rational decision is letting go. The reasonable thing to do is to stop holding tight and lose our grip just enough to redeem ourselves from something that was hurting.
I cut all the excess weight, stopped carrying someone else’s problems. I see no one but I, and I’m happy being single. There’s no rush in finding love right now. I’m still young, 20 years old, I still have a lot to learn and a lot to live for. I’m in a better place now; I’m good by myself and have found a way to dance without him. I forgot about all the pain that was inside and forgave. What was broken is mended, what used to hurt healed. It didn’t matter how dark it got, because the sun rises once again, the weekend it’s coming and another beginning is visible in the horizon.