I have always hated positivism. I have no patience for positive or happy people all the time. I don’t think that they are obnoxious, maybe just a little, but it is not possible to be that happy all the time. Yes, being happy is a choice, and I am no trying to be a hater here. Nothing but trying to make a point clear, life is not about being positive despite all terrible things that might have happened. It is more about feeling. Denying feelings will only make things worse; for example, if you withhold that you are furious at someone they will keep doing stuff that bothers you. It will build pressure until one day you will burst in anger only making things worse. You can also deny being sad, put on a fake smile that might work with some people, but you can never hide the truth. One day all that build up sadness will turn into depression and it will be harder to get out of that situation. The most rational decision would have been to face the demons inside and deal with them. The more you ignore the pink elephant in the room the harder it will be to get it out.
This also triggers a memory, a long time ago I wrote about change. How this is constant in our lives and how it is one of my favorite Newton’s laws of motion. The only constant is change. Despite all scientific evidence that nothing in this life is permanent we try so hard to hold on to things. I hold close to my heart that lesson and this week I got to experience it. I was fired on Monday. It has been one of the worst feelings in my life. It was unfair, but life is not honourable. I know things will get better but honestly fuck I was so mad. I worked very hard to be where I was. It required months of work, trying to be patient, there were good days and bad days. I used to love my workplace; things were not ideal, but I enjoyed working with people around there. My boss was one of the most charismatic leaders I had the pleasure to work with, I was growing not only as a person but professionally. I waited for my turn to shine. I was patient and got rewarded but just as soon as I was promoted so I was dismissed. Suddenly life changed in a matter of a week. I was so furious, and I think I’m still but what is the point now? Being angry for something I cannot change. I was sad because I did not do anything wrong. I was good, and kind always gave my best but I was just another number for them. I was so high, and they shoot me down, it feels like I’m not going to be back on top soon.
Change is frightening but it is more frightening being in stuck in a place where you no longer belong. Maybe I was unmeant to be there anymore. Maybe in a few months I will look back and laugh and I will be grateful but right now is not the time. I feel tired, after reflecting on these thoughts I concluded the only thing now is moving on. Hoping for the next remarkable chapter and making it one to remember. Life is about chapters; every time one closes another one begins. That is the beauty in endings. That is the beauty in life. I have been up and down, over and out. This is not the first time I have been beaten, might not be the last. Although I comprehend one thing, that is how to kick myself back and get back in the race. I am not positive; I try seeing the good in everything, I try to be realistic and hopeful. Positive thinking is bullshit, after failing the only thing left is getting up persevere no matter how hard and dark it gets. Survive to experience one more day and after surviving to begin living the life you want.