I made a big mistake, and honestly, I don’t know how to feel about it. I’m in a limbo, not knowing what my feelings truly are about the situation. It’s something I used to see in the media, about how people were done wrong. Celebrities, people that I knew that went through the same thing or a similar experience. I don’t want to get into too much detail. I just want to say something. I want to be clear about the position where I stand from. First thing first, I am not ashamed, I am not feeling any kind of regret for what I did. I do however feel angry, pissed off that someone that I thought I could trust betrayed me and violated my basic right for privacy. As I previously stated, I made a mistake; I knew about the risks and possible consequences if something bad were to happen, but I didn’t care. I’m not the first and certainly not the last. This won’t kill me; this is just another learning experience and what an experience. This only taught me to be more careful of the people that I surround myself with. If I used to be selective now, I would be more selective of the people that are close to me. One thing is for sure, I felt the need, the urge to hide. Disappear, be gone from social media. I feel like I need a break, take some deep breathes and continue. Keep calm and get some peace of mind.
I care but I don’t care. I mind, but I don’t mind at all. It’s been a few months since it happened and I’m just getting the notice. People judge harshly, I don’t know if they said good or bad things. I don’t want to know certainly. The farther I get from this whole mess the better, I think. I’m just furious… People can judge me as much as they want. They can say nasty things about me, sure whatever, I don’t care. Go ahead, trash my person, please do it I dare you, keep on talking behind my back. Tell everyone that I’m trash, a slut, not attractive, fat, too skinny, too white, a liar, nasty, naive, stupid, go ahead. Please keep on telling others how much of a bad person I am. Whatever you’ve been saying about me, does not define who I am. It doesn’t make me less and doesn’t add value to who I am. Please sue me for looking too pretty, for feeling confident in my own skin. Sue me for loving my body and for feeling myself. Sue me for owning my sexuality. Keep on calling me a bitch for rejecting you. I have control over what I post, what I say, what I send, who I date, who I kiss, who I fuck and nobody can take that power away from me. I know it’s hard to see me, succeeding in everything I do. Being transparent, living my best life, having a family that loves me for who I am and accept me. I’m unsure if it’s jealousy. I’m sorry for you. I know how it feels to be alone, not having any friends that know you for who you are. Still that doesn’t give you the right to do what you did. I’m living in your mind rent free. It’s sad… and what you did was nasty, so low and petty. A piece of advice, before you judge me look at yourself. What are you doing with your life? Keep on talking and judging me. I don’t care, I’m too busy minding my own business and working towards my goals.
I won’t stay here. There are far more greater things waiting for me outside and I shouldn’t be worrying for little mishaps. What’s done cannot be changed. At this point I don’t know how many know and have got an idea of me. I will move on, to the next page, to the next chapter whatever it is that comes next. I will be fine, I guess I’m just hard to ignore. So what? Sue me for being something you can’t forget. You will either way love me, hate me or want to be me; there’s no in between. I’m pissed, but I will get over it. No feeling lasts forever and at this moment in time I have different priorities. I won’t live in fear, I won’t let anyone make me feel inferior. I’m done, I’m exhausted of pretending, feeling unworthy or ashamed. I’m over it and certainly I will not allow anyone to walk all over me. You know I love the way you talk about me just look at how far it got me. You make up shit to spread about me, like “he ain’t wearing any clothes”, “look how many guys he dates!”,”I bet he is a slut”. I pity you and I feel sorry for all your heart can speak is hate. What the hell do you even know about me?