a mess but… happy 4 u

Have you ever felt like you’ve finally met Mr Right and suddenly out of nowhere things end between you two? You hold onto the memory of what could’ve happened instead of focusing on what really happened. You refuse to let go of that dream of you two together. You start thinking about all the things that made it special and think that things might change if you give it some time when in reality all it’s left is a broken dream. I know that feeling. I know how much it hurts when you’re trying to let go of something that could’ve never worked. Because you’re still trying to make up your mind around the idea of what could’ve been. Reality is you cannot live a life on the idea of what could’ve happened. There’s no “what if…” the past cannot be changed and what already happened is done. I want to talk about that feeling.

In my case it’s been around 243 days, 34 weeks and 8 months since we don’t speak but who’s counting tho? Certainly I am not. No bad blood between us we just drifted apart. I used to think about what happened and the more I look back the more red flags I see. How could’ve been so blind. There were so many signs but I didn’t even see them. I’ve heard that he’s found someone else, people tell me they saw them holding hands on Bourbon Street. She was wearing a flowered short skirt, white cons and his hoodie; the same one he used to give to me. She’s pretty or so I’ve been told… long ginger hair tied up in a high ponytail. Yeah she’s pretty. I’ve never wished for anything bad to happened to him. I admit I was hurt and I was a mess when he left. I’m no longer in the same place when he left me. I was able to move forward with my life. It was still a surprise and tho it’s hard to accept it’s a bittersweet feeling. A bad taste in my mouth cause he’s over me.

That’s okay, there comes a time in life when you need to let go. I let him go. I release any feeling that might be tied up with what we used to have but fuck. He has moved on. I’d be lying if I said I don’t feel nothing at all. It’s making me feel emotional, but I don’t have time to be. I need to fix my hair and makeup, get a grip, accept and release. If I couldn’t be happy with him, all it’s left for me is to be happy for him. No hard feelings honestly. Love is looking good on him. If he’s happy, I’m happy for him. It doesn’t hurt like it used at the beginning, it only hurts a little. As time passes I know I’ll reach a point when it’ll no longer hurt. I’m fine, I got my peace sign. That’s enough, as happy as I am for him it’s time for me to end this chapter. If I see him walking by and I look into his eyes, I’ll be fine. Looking forward to the next chapter, to a brighter tomorrow and a wonderful today.

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