I still believe in you

Hi… hmmm… I don’t know how to start… is it okay if I cry? I just feel overly emotional. Sorry, you might think that I am a cry baby. I just need to pull myself together. Okay can we start once more? Hi and thank you for being here. I want to say that the following post has been written in the form of a letter to someone dear to my heart. I was hurt, just a little. I used to ask myself why you weren’t a better man. Wondering what would’ve been if you were a better man. I know you are not perfect. I never thought you were. You constantly say the wrong thing and your ways are not the best. You don’t mean to any hurt with the words you use but sometimes they do. It’s hard to tell when you are joking cause you’re terribly bad at it. I guess that’s just the way you face life. You have a lot of flaws, but I do too. I procrastinate and I’m a little bit lazy, distracted and clueless, hmmm… I guess we have a thing or two in common. I’m not perfect and make mistakes too. I also lie. I try not to do so with you but… when I told you I enjoyed a beer, you weren’t so delighted. You told me that if I ever do it again, I might as well pack my bags and leave your house. That was the first time a home didn’t felt like a home and it turned into a house just a cold building. I don’t comprehend what you expect from me. I can’t have a little fun or be myself around you because I’m too much for you or so it feels like that. Whenever I say something “controversial” or “unusual” you act surprised, rise your brow in disapproval and disregard me.

You are not bad, you are just human and I guess just a bit old fashioned. I’m tired of saying I feel a little when in reality I feel a lot! Frustrated when you are incapable to open up your mind to the endless possibilities that this world can offer you. It’s hard for you to open up and just for one moment use your imagination. Break free from the walls that trap your mind. We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past. I understand that and want to tell you that you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future. I want you to be part of my future. I want to share more moments with you. I realized I have never wanted for  anyone else to take me to the altar, now one else. I want to ask you to give yourself a break. Stop beating yourself up! Everyone has a misstep once in a while, we have setbacks and failures. You don’t come with a book on how to get it right all the time. You and I, we both have failed. We didn’t plan to, but we simply did because we are imperfect. Failure is a part of creating a significant life. We’ve taken so many wrong decisions that I bet our future should be so promising right now. Despite our failings we still deserve respect. I won’t allow for anyone to set you down.

It’s okay to fall or accidently trip someone down. Life is a journey, till then drink it up, trip yourself down but always remember to rise when you fall. And if it does not help treat yourself with a pair of nice shoes, things would eventually get better. I’ve learned to forgive and forget. I don’t hold any kind of resentment or grudge against you. I guess I do it because I would expect the same from others when I made a mistake. I know I can choose to let it define me, confine me, outshine me or refine me… I can also choose to move on and leave it behind me. Which could be the best decision we both can make as of now. There’s no good in overthinking an living in the past that doesn’t define you, your present does. Even though it hurts now, I believe it’s important to inspire a vision of the future because it affects your behavior in the “now,” but you need to stop dwelling on past mistakes. Learn from them, outgrow them and focus those lessons in the moment. That’s where change can in fact happen. I cannot emphasize this enough, but I love you. You need to know that there’s nothing wrong in making mistakes, what’s wrong is enabling it stay as such without the effort of making it right. I know you’ll make it right and I know we will be fine. You don’t have to pay for your mistakes the rest of your life. Sometimes good people make bad choices. It doesn’t mean they are bad. It was supposed to be a lesson, not a life sentence, and I for one don’t condemn you.

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